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Post by ELISE on Mar 23, 2011 17:05:32 GMT -5
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The gathering had ended, or so it seemed, but many of the adults were still talking about all that was going on. I’d wondered away in an attempt to get away from all the arguing and angry speak. I just couldn’t deal with it all right now. My old clan was stealing from my new home. I wasn’t sure I could deal with this. My loyalty felt split in two. I shut my eyes against the harsh pain at the back of them. My head ached and my heart hurt. How was I supposed to handle this? Would my clan look at me with scorn and shame now? Fear boiled hard and cold in my heart and mind. No, I couldn’t deal with that. Would I have to leave because they would chase me out? That couldn’t happen! I wanted to be a warrior. A warrior of Frostclan, nowhere else seemed like home to me. I loved it in Frostclan. I had friends there. Felines who cared about me. I stalked into the shadows; ready to hide my feelings and emotions. I laid down where I thought no one could see me and let the sorrow hit me. Everything seems to be getting worse. Nothing ever got better.
Sounds of the night echoed in my ears. The arguments of cats and the accusations that I was sure were flying around the place. I turned my head away from it; laying them on my paws and trying to make it all go away. I’d never felt this sad or lost before. Not even after I lost everyone and everything I loved. That was about the time I decided I couldn’t sit still any longer. I rose quickly and took off at a run. I didn’t go too far from the gathering, but I needed to feel the air hit my face and the beat of the Earth under my paws. That was all I needed and all I wanted right now. I closed my eyes and just lost myself in all that I was feeling. It was good to be lost in my own thoughts and in a world that belonged only to me. I didn’t want to always have to go there, I wanted to be able to go to someone else about my issues, but right now this was all I had. I came back to the gathering, standing way in the back. I couldn’t sit and I stayed away from others.
This was horrible. I turned away and walked toward the edge of this place, staring down at the lake’s reflective surface. I dropped a white coated paw down to it and played it around, creating swirls in the water. Small fish swam by. Babies by the look of them, but I didn’t so much as try to play with them like I normally would have. My heart just wasn’t in this and as I looked at my reflection I slashed that white paw through it with a snarl before lying on the ground with a heavy flop. I gazed into the distance. I couldn’t look at myself or what this lake had to show me. The heart ache was too much. Far too much for me to handle. The pain of all this was overwhelming. I could feel tears burning in my eyes and I fought it like a wild feline. I couldn’t let it get the better of me, not again. This time, Leopardpaw wasn’t here to be my shoulder to lean on. If he knew I was from Marshclan. I didn’t think he would be able to even look at me.
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Post by skie on Mar 23, 2011 20:08:36 GMT -5
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Leopardpaw had sat next to Riddlepaw the whole gathering, enjoying the feel of her pelt against his so much that he barely listened to what was going on. After he'd gotten over MarshClan, everything else was boring. The clans just told of everyday things that had happened in the past moon, and he wasn't interested in the affairs of other clans. He'd been getting a weird vibe from Riddlepaw almost the entire gathering, but he didn't bring it up. She was always so sensitive about her feelings, and he didn't want to upset her more. If she needed someone to talk to, he hoped that she knew she could talk to him. He considered her his best friend in the clan. He had no family. Icestar had taken up the job of being his mother after the incident, but he had no siblings to bond with. Riddlepaw seemed to need him, something that he liked.
He turned and spoke to Zestypaw for not very long. Only a few minutes, and when he turned back to Riddlepaw.. She was gone. His heart turned cold. Where had she gone? He stood up immediately, and searched the clearing for her. But with the menagerie of cats that were there, he wouldn't have been able to discern her. His green eyes were wide with fear. He didn't know why he was so worried about her, maybe because she'd seemed so upset the whole evening. He opened his jaws to try and pick up her scent, but all of the mingled scents of the cats threw him off. He began to walk blindly toward the forest. When he reached the forest, he opened his jaws again to scent for her. This time he picked up small traces of her. He followed them, soon breaking into a run. The scents were old, she'd been by herself for quite some time. He hated to think about her, out here in the forest at night, all by herself. He followed her scent to the edge of the island and stopped. He saw her, sitting next to the water. He watched as she snarled angrily, and swiped her reflection, like she couldn't stand to look at herself. Then she flopped on the ground almost in defeat. Confusion entered his eyes, and pain entered his heart. What was wrong with his friend.
He padded forward gently, and when he reached her he swiped his tongue over her ear affectionately.
"Tell me what's wrong, Riddlepaw." His voice was gentle, but full of concern.
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Post by ELISE on Mar 24, 2011 16:50:54 GMT -5
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This was one of those nights I would regret being happy about. I’d been so excited to come here and see all there was to see and hear all that the clans had to say. Now, I just wanted to drown myself. My ice blue gaze shifted over the surface of the water, not looking down into it. The moon’s reflection in the water had me almost rising to my paws, but I didn’t want to so I turned away, avoiding the hypnosis that the slowly lapping waves put on me. I could deal with almost anything, but not this. Knowing that my Kithood home was in danger was hard for me to take in. I didn’t want to allow it to smolder under the surface, I wanted to let it all out now. Yowl at the sky at the top of my lungs and demand WHY. Why was this happening? Why did I have to be from another clan? Why did I have to feel ashamed in myself when I’D done nothing wrong? The pain in my chest constricted tighter and I shut my eyes, trying to hide the fear. Hide the pain. Hide all the emotions that welled up inside.
I didn’t hear him come forward. My guardian angel that is. He was silent on this night. Moving without making noise or stirring up the bits of debris around him. The only reason I even knew that he’d shown up was when I felt the tender caress of his tongue acrossed my ear. I didn’t say anything, just leaned back against his ever so slightly. How was it that he always showed up when I needed him most? A slow sigh escaped my slightly parted kissers and tilted my head around to look at him with sad azul pools. “Oh Leopardpaw.” The words were but a mere breath as I rose from my laying position to sit and start at him. He was too good to be true and still, he knew nothing about where I’d come from. No one did. They just knew that I was a cat from another clan. That something awful had happened and I’d left. Left to run from a past that to this day still haunts my every step. Was I sure I could tell him this? No. Did I realize that I had to tell him? Yes. It was the only way for me to move on even just a little bit.
Drawing in a deep breath, I closed my eye and just imagined the words. They were there. Right on the surface of my mind, ready to be spoken freely to a tom that I’d grown so close to. “I came from Marshclan. That’s my home clan. Well, was my home clan. Knowing that they’re stealing from my new home. . . I feel ashamed. Almost like I don’t belong in Frostclan because of my background with Marshclan.” My gaze wonders to the ground and my paw plays over the dirty back in an absent minded way. My head tilts to the side as my eyes watch that paw, mesmerized only because I can’t bring myself to look Leopardpaw in the eye. I don’t want to see what might or might not be there. What if he hates me now that he knows? I swallow that down and it leaves a sour taste on my tongue and in the back of my throat. Like I’m going to be sick any moment and I can’t stop it from happening. Fear was a snake. A filthy one that coils around your heart and shatters it, that was all I could think about.
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Post by skie on Mar 24, 2011 18:35:04 GMT -5
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The young cat smiled softly when she leaned into him, glad to know that she knew she could count on him for support. He hoped that she knew she could always come to him with her problems, but it would seem that she didn't. Afterall, she had came out in the middle of the forest by herself instead of telling him what was wrong. He didn't let it bother him though, he knew that some cats coped in different ways than others. She might have preferred to be alone, but there was no way he could ever let that happen. The thought of her being out here alone and sad just killed him. The thought of it tore his heart in two. He scooted a little closer to her, licking her affectionately. He made how he felt for her obvious, and she never turned his affections down. She seemed to enjoy them.
Before long, she pulled away from him and turned to sit in front of him. He moved into a sitting position, only barely bigger than her. Leopardpaw had always been small. His litter had been unhealthy, and StarClan had blessed him just by giving him life. He was the only one left from his family, and he was the only that could carry on his mother and father's blood. He wished it wasn't so, but what could he do? He couldn't bring any of them back, even though he would fight StarClan for them if he knew it would help.
He turned his attention back to Riddlepaw when she started speaking. He realized that she was telling him something she had never told anyone in the clan. Her appearance in the clan had been a mystery. She had just shown up, said she was from another clan, and Icestar has allowed her to stay. Now he realized that she was from MarshClan. She told him that she felt conflicted that her birth clan was stealing from her current clan. He realized that she probably felt like if the rest of the clan knew about her heritage, they might turn on her. He didn't know if they would or not, all he knew was that, looking at her in the moonlight, he didn't see her any differently. She was still the same Riddlepaw that he had the strange strong feelings for. She had her beautiful blue eyes cast downward, staring at his paw. He moved forward so that her head was now in his chest. He began to lick her head and ears gently, just trying to make her feel better.
"I can't speak for the rest of the clan, Riddlepaw," he began delicately, "But I just want you to know that, to me, you are still the same cat you were before you told me that. You're still my best friend, and that won't change no matter what. I also want you to know that nothing you have told me tonight will enter to ears of any of our clan-mates if you don't wish it to." Leopardpaw spoke like a cat beyond his years. Losing his whole family had caused him to mature faster than a normal cat. He still enjoyed playing and romping, but when situations called for it, he knew how to react.
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Post by ELISE on Mar 26, 2011 14:38:19 GMT -5
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This was one of those rare moments when I wished that I could read Leopardpaw’s mind. I knew he was my rock. The thing that kept me standing when it felt like everything else was falling apart. I wasn’t used to admitting to myself that I really did need him as my support. Admitting that was hard, really hard but I did it anyways. He was so sweet and so kind. It was hard to imagine that he cared at all about me, but here he was, giving me the support and happiness that I so desired. It wasn’t hard for me to accept it. It was good to know that I had someone who would make me feel better when I felt so lost. His affection was only making me forget why I’d come out here and maybe that was what I needed. Maybe I just needed forget it all and not think about it, but how could I not? I had friends in Marshclan. Friends I hadn’t seen in awhile, but they were friends none the less. I sniffled lightly and tried to keep my mind in a more stable place. A place where it was just Leopardpaw and me. No one else mattered.
Was I doing the right thing by telling him all of this? I wasn’t sure. Really, I was scared that I was telling him anything. Admitting to all of this was like telling him that I’d killed my own mother. Which I hadn’t, but that was how it felt. Frostclan, Icestar, had taken me in without really questioning who I was. They allowed me to learn from them and share food with them. I wasn’t fully accepted by all, they felt like Icestar had let me in far too easily, but most of them accepted me and that was good. It meant that those that did accept me didn’t let the others try to scare information out of me. It was nice knowing that they actually cared about me, but that was it. I didn’t have a family here. There was no one to keep me here or there. So, why did I stay? I stayed because I had nowhere else and at least others cared at all. Like Leopardpaw. I was more than positive that he was one of the reasons I stuck around. One of the reasons I didn’t just leave. So, why did I think that I was a fool to tell him?
My eyes were squeezed shut when he moved forward and my face brushed against his chest, but I felt the gentle pull of his tongue acrossed my head and ears. I leaned into the touch. Enjoyed the feeling of it all. I knew, from just that gentle touch that I didn’t need to fear the things that he might say. That all they would hold were friendly encouragement and a feeling behind them that neither of us would really understand. My eyes turned to him and they were wide with delight and surprise. Without thinking about what I was going, I shoved up and pushed my head lightly against the curves of his neck and shoulder, my chest brushing against his in the process. “Thank you, Leopardpaw. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had.” The words were tight with emotion, but came out none the less. He was a dream. That was all I could tell myself. I was asleep and he was a dream. When I woke up, he’d be nowhere in sight and I would be a complete mess once more, but I didn’t care. If it was dream or reality, I would always hold him close.
Why was he my safety blanket? Why couldn’t I have found him sooner? Only Starclan had these answers and right now, I was only slightly mad at them. Mad that they’d taken my parents in the first place and mad that they hadn’t guided me to Leopardpaw from the start of all these horrible things. I drew in a deep breath and just stayed as close to him as I could. He was all I needed right now. He could make me feel better, when I felt like I was falling apart.
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Post by skie on Mar 31, 2011 19:21:53 GMT -5
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His chest pulled tight in delight as he heard the she-cat utter the words he'd been longing to hear. She cared for him.. She loved him, even, because you had to love your best friend.. Right? But would he want a tom best friend to love him? Would he want any other she-cat to love him. Suddenly being her best friend didn't seem as great as it had just a few seconds before. Suddenly he wanted to be something more to her. He didn't understand. He was scarcely nine moons old. Most cats his age were worrying about becoming warriros, but all he could worry about was Riddlepaw. He couldn't concentrate in training, because all he saw were her beautiful blue eyes. All he felt was the brush of her soft orange and white fur against his own multicolored fur. He longed for her touch, and to hear her voice. Sometimes he though the would go crazy if he didn't see her every day.
He blinked his green eyes solemnly and moved a bit closer to her, wrapping his tail around her. He felt her move closer to him, and his heartbeat got even more rapid. He could barely hear anything other than the rushing of it in his ears. A contented purr began in his chest as he licked the top of her head sotfly. Leopardpaw knew this was no time to feel so happy.. But.. With her so close he was having a hard time not smothering her with more affection than he already was.
"You're my bestfriend too." He muttered softly, resting his chin atop her head. The young cat had no family to speak of, not really, and neither did she. All they really had was each other. It scared him a little, to be so dependent on the fact that she was going to be there every morning when he woke up. What if something happened to her, and she never came back.. Just like his parents.
He felt like he was going to cry, but he swallowed the tears. There was no room in his life for selfpity. He was tom, and toms weren't supposed to cry. He just contented himself by starting up his licking of her head and ears again.
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